Day 59 - Stress

I am stressed, extra stressed. I know because I've developed an eye twitch. Last time my eye twitched like this was the month leading up to and the duration of my qualification exams. The twitch is also linked to lack of sleep, of which I did not get enough of last night. As a consequence, my day's been a wreck. I'm grouchy and constantly on the verge of tears. I didn't do my entire workout this morning, just jumping and 8MA. I'm taking the night off from ballet and must decide if I want to finish the workout today or slide into a hot bath when I get home and just relax. I haven't skipped a workout yet and probably won't tonight, but I'm tempted.

There's a lot rattling around in my head right now, and it didn't help to call my my mom this morning. I thought maybe I should tell her my country assignment, but as always, the response was, well, lacking enthusiasm. "Oh, ok, is that good?" "Ummm...yeah, it's the region I want to work in." "Ok, well, that's nice, honey." Then, she launches into a list of all the things that are wrong in her life. Her dog's sick. She's sick with a million different ailments, the lastest of which is due entirely to her weight. I almost wish she'd kept it to herself. It does no good to tell her what to eat to lose weight because there's always an excuse. "Well, the guys (her husband and brother) won't eat that food." Ok, well, cook something separate for yourself. "I don't have time for that..." And, the next part is all in my head, "WHAT?!?! You're at home ALL DAY!!! You don't work! And, you're telling me that you don't have time to cook a healthy meal for yourself?!? That's a load of bullshit!" ARGH!!!!! I hate it. I hate watching her do this to herself. And, I hate feeling the way I feel about my mom right now because it makes me feel like a bad daughter. This sucks.

Ok, thanks for letting me blog it out. I've been spilling this on any friend willing or unwilling to listen today. Each time I offload, I feel a tad bit better.

Zambia! 2011! Yay!