Day 11 - Party planning

Not much to report today. I'm waiting for some friends to show for a party planning meeting. I'm sure they will be late. It's how my friends roll. Should be fun, though...these meetings always tend to be as fun if not more fun than the actual parties. I'm hosting a Halloween party here in the country. I suspect my last big blowout. Band, DJ, black lights, bonfire, glow in the dark body paint, altar, sugar skull pinata filled with candy, condoms, liquor and perhaps other various naughty items. The theme is Dia de los Muertos.

Oh shit, somebody's here! Wow. Early.

....

Meeting went well. If there's one thing that I and my group have strong gongfu in, it's parties. We can throw down. The psychedelic sugar skull pic represents my future Halloween experience. You are all invited! And, imagine, I will do it all sober, sober, sober. Well, unless a certain special friend makes an appearance, highly unlikely.

Day 10B - Too many parts

Really, Patrick, you want to hear our words of wisdom? You ask and you shall receive.

Okay, well, today I would like to talk about the difficulty of paying attention to multiple body parts at once. Hence the title, TOO MANY PARTS moving at once. This applies both to my humiliatingly fun ballet class tonight and the agility movements for KFB.

Let's start with ballet. I'm getting better with the basics. This is good, but she's throwing in all kinds of crazy new stuff quickly. We did some crossing of the floor exercises tonight. Jump, right leg points back, comes forward, jump, left leg comes up next to right, points, start over. Ok, I know, you can't even picture it. There's french words for all these positions that I just don't have any real grasp of yet. The point is, it's hard enough to jump across the floor putting my legs in the correct position in time with the music without arms, but add the arms in, I'm like a deer in headlights. I pay attention to the position of my arms, my legs are flailing and vice versa. Trying to be aware of all the body parts and where they are at the same time. Holy moly! I comfort myself by looking in the mirror and knowing that I look awesome when I'm standing still. Ha!

This also applies to the agility exercises in KFB. I find when I'm really focusing on trying to get the legs right, the arms aren't positioned correctly. Or, I'll punch and realize that my guard arm is not anywhere close to my face. I thought I did better this morning, but still, I feel like everything's all everywhere all the time. Nothing is in the right place! I know, I know, practice makes perfect. As I practice, things will stay in place or go where they're supposed to naturally, but to get to that point, I have to be EXTRA mindful that I'm practicing correctly so I don't learn wrong. It's hard, frustrating and hilarious all the same time.

You know what, though? I'm really, really enjoying myself. I enjoy the hard work and then the sense of accomplishment when I reach a goal, hold a pose correctly or see myself do something in the mirror that actually looks graceful. Ballet, working out, I love it all! I feel like I've found these things in my life that I can't believe I did without before...

Also, I'd like y'all to meet my new buddy...it's got a leather, adjustable cord with smooth, fast jumping action. I love, love, love it! I won't even miss that old plastic one!

Day 10 - Nooooooooooo!

Rope down, rope down!!

Everlast my ass. 120 days last. I like this rope, too. Only $10 and fast. Looks like I'm going shopping at the local sports store today.

Day 9 - Year 32 begins and....

I scored a date today. Is it my PCP afterglow, KFB zen vibes or birthday magic? You choose.

Day 8 - Stretching

Since we got an email regarding stretching today, I thought I'd let everyone know this is my absolute favorite part of the workout. Ok,ok, yes, I love punching and kicking. Well, shit, and when you get down to it, I love all the strength work, too. I'm actually trying to decide if I miss pistol squats and floor jumps. Do they hurt so good or so bad? Blarg! Mind wandering...

Stretching. There's something so invigorating about a good, deep stretch. I find that the hardest part is having the patience to hold for minutes, but short stretches just don't provide the same kind of rush. Even after a week, I'm noticing myself drop into stretches a bit further and with more ease. I'm also seeing the benefit in my ballet. I mean, I still suck, bad, but I'm looking better. Tonight I could really see some improvement in the mirror.

And, randomly, for your viewing enjoyment. Here's a couple pictures, one from the picnic.

Wow, I really am one skinny ass bitch. I definitely don't look 32. The other is of the one piece of carrot cake that I saved to nom on with my birthday lunch tomorrow. Yum! Are you jealous, Ren?

Day 7 - Birthday Picnic

I dedicate this post to the woman that told me to eat a cheeseburger last night and to all the other people who will tell me to eat a cheeseburger in the future. Why is it that the cheeseburger is the standard weight gain option? Every time someone says that to me, I'm like, dude, I do eat cheeseburgers, just not the McDonald's kind. I buy the beef and make them on my own and I put some thin slices of seriously sharp Vermont white cheddar on them. They're excellent, and yes, when I eat them, I STILL stay this size. Anyway, she will be relieved to know that I nourished my body with a gigantic piece of carrot cake AND a sliver of apple tart at my birthday picnic today. I will not wither up and blow away now. I'm saved! Ha!

Yes, so I met some friends out at Cellon Oak Park to celebrate the beginning of year 32 of life. It's a park with a gigantic live oak as it's center piece. Some facts: it has a 30 ft circumference, 160 ft crown spread and is 85 ft tall. A perfect place to spread blankets and have a big picnic. We were the only ones there and the day was perfect. Started out sunny, turned a bit overcast by the end, but cooled off. The theme was relaxation. I didn't want any crazy late night parties this year. I wanted to chill and just be in a beautiful place with people I love. We had sandwiches, fruit salad, various veggie and pasta salad dishes, cake and apple tart. A good afternoon. Made me feel content. My actual birthday will be Tuesday, but this was enough celebration for me.

I enjoyed my 10 minute stretch this morning. I took my time getting out of it though, didn't want to upset anything in my legs. I practiced grabbing stuff in my shower, too. I'm actually not half bad. I think it's because I walk around in my house in the dark a lot. I get up and pee, go get water, etc. I don't like to turn lights on if I wake up in the middle of the night, makes it harder for me to go back to sleep so I practice at walking blind a lot.

Day 6 - Pants Dilemma

I woke up late this morning. Out until 2 AM channeling Axl Rose into the karaoke mic. I must say, I did a pretty awesome rendition of Welcome to the Jungle. Anyway, I was going to a memorial service this morning for a Gator Peace Corps volunteer that was shot in Lesotho. Armed robbery. He was stepping in front of the woman he was with to protect her and the dude thought he was getting aggressive, shot 'em, died instantly. Pretty tragic. I didn't know him but wanted to pay respects and support our recruiter who is very tightly connected with all her volunteers. She's having a difficult time with it. I won't get deep on you in regards to the service, instead I'm going to get a little shallow to lighten it up.

Running late. I go to get dressed and realize I have no dress pants that fit anymore. I hadn't even considered replacing them yet, and I had to wear pants because I was riding my bike. I put on the pair that was too tight on me before I started PCP, and they hung loosely off my ass. They buckled and stayed up fine though. I went with them. This is quite a dilemma for me! Nice dress pants aren't cheap, and I have 5 pair in my closet that don't even come close to fitting me anymore. I know, the thrift store. I checked one out on the way home. Most of the dress pants still too big, but scored 3 pairs of tight jeans for $15. I like jeans. Maybe I'll just invest in one pair of nice versatile dress pants. One will do for now.

Ok, off to do the workout. No time this morning, but I need to get it done. Have a wonderful rest of the weekend!

Day 5 - Benchmarks

Figured I'd better do what I was told and get this done. So, here are the benchmarks.

Jump height. You can see the piece of duct tape on my kitchen ceiling where I marked the jump. If I stand under it and hold my arm up, it's about 14 inches from my fingertip to the tape.

Ball punches. Ha! I SUCKED at this one. Wow. I averaged 26. Ren, you are a superstar at ball punches. Quite impressed. I'll blame my poor performance on the bad lighting in my house. ;-)

Morning forward bend. I can touch my toes with minimal strain.

So, that's what we have to start from....let's see how much I can improve in the next 85 days. Bring the kung fu!

Tonight, my mission is strong kung fu at karaoke. Wish me luck!

Day 4 - Real World vs. Dream World

Ah, a nice, brisk 4-mile run this evening. I no longer feel loserish. My emotions have been running high the last couple of days. It happens. Cycles and such.

Tonight, I think I'll revisit the idea that I was bouncing around in my head yesterday. So, Tuesday night, I pulled into my carport and looked to my right at a pile of wood that serves as a stage when I have parties. Over the last couple years, there's been a lot of activity on that stage. Some DJing, some karaoke, a couple live bands and this:

On this particular night, the above image is what appeared in my mind. Yes, that IS a gigantic redwood cake, in case you were wondering. A group effort, constructed by all of us as a gift to the lady in the black mask. Here's an up close of the adorable animals surrounding the base.

ANYWAY, I sat in my car and thought about this moment. Where did it go? It was here, now it's gone. Was it real? Where do all these moments go? Nowhere. They're just poof, gone, never to return. It's not like I've never thought about this concept before, it's just that tonight it was blowing my mind in a bigger way. There is quite literally nothing to hold on to. Every memory is like a dream of a past life. Did I really live that moment? I know I did, but when I was remembering this scene, the line between the real world and the dream world became very blurred to me for a short time.

This is especially so because I'd had some intense, vivid dreams the night before...those dreams where one wake's up in the morning and carries around an emotional hangover that only slowly fades as the day progresses. They just affected me that deeply. Did I not actually live those moments? It sure fucking felt like I did.

I'll leave it there. I don't know where the moments go or what is really a dream and what isn't, but I do know that we know very little of the truth of this universe and it gives me goosebumps every time I think about it.

Day 3 - Loserville

Tired. Ballet kicked my ass. My arms are ridiculously long. I feel a bit like a loser tonight. I think it's bedtime.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel more like sharing what I originally wanted to share today. Good night, KFB lovies!

Day 2 - A first encounter

This morning while I was sitting my mind wandered to the first encounter I had with Buddhism and meditation. It started with a flash of the meditation rituals at the Buddhist meeting place and then linked to the reason why I'd decided to check it out. I was young, 19 or 20. I was suffering from a broken heart. All the sudden I wanted to know the meaning of life. I remember lying in bed one night, crying, miserable trying to figure some way out of the pain. I thought, I could become a Buddhist nun, shave my hair off, move to a monastery, figure out life and never hurt again. HA! It seems so silly now. What the bloody hell was I thinking? For some reason, I was under the impression that these Buddhists seemed to know something that I needed to know, and I was going to up and join a monastery. Um...ok.

So, I decide to give it a try. I found a place in Little Five Points, Atlanta that offered an hour (maybe two) of group meditation. I, being the adventurous/spontaneous lady that I am, drove down there one Saturday to check out the scene. I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into, just went. These memories are hazy in my mind, but I remember the walking meditation, the sitting, the chants, the swingy lamp things, maybe some smoke and the bowl chimes. All kinds of crazy shit that I was not even prepared for. I don't know what I expected but I'll tell you the walking meditation really freaked me out. I don't even know how to make you imagine my perspective on that day. I remember thinking, "This is weird. DO NOT WANT! Screw y'all and your walking, chanting, chimey meditativeness! I'm off to get drunk!"

Obviously, at that point in my life, I wasn't ready for such an intense introduction to Buddhism and meditation. I had too many late night parties filled with bad decisions to experience yet. Being a nun was out of the question. Still is, frankly. Me as a nun? Pssh-shaw. Ridiculous.

Day 1- I AM Yoshimi!

One of my bestest friends pointed out that, now, I'm like a real life Yoshimi. Almost cooler than being a flamingo peacock. It's like I'm up there on the blog banner preparing to battle some pink robots. Bring it, pink robots! I've been takin' my vitamins (in the form of fresh vegetables and fruits, of course).

I don't know if y'all have this problem, but as I go through my day, I'm overwhelmed by all the things that happen and find myself wanting to share, share, share. I, also, like my posts to have a theme. It's quite a task to distill a theme from all my random thoughts from the day and then throw them up on the blog in a way that makes any sense. SO MUCH TO SHARE will be today's theme!

Like this little tidbit that I heard while catching up on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me this afternoon. Apparently, the Army was forced to "dumb down" its basic training to deal with overweight, unfit recruits. Less sit-ups, push-ups and long runs. More other stuff. The other stuff is not necessarily bad; I just find it sad that the youngest people in our population are too out of shape to handle basic training. The original article was published in the NYT last month.

I thoroughly enjoyed this morning's workout. No kidding. It was great. I wanted to keep punching and kicking. I'd get to the max reps and go over without even knowing I was going over. I'm also doing the sit-ups with my legs up in the air now. The prescribed amounts of reps are perfect to get me to failure by the last set. Stretching felt good. Overall, good first day. I'm at a distinct advantage doing this coming right off the PCP. I've become so used to my new body that I forget how damn good o' shape I'm in. Don't get me wrong. There's SERIOUS fine tuning to do...my 3rd ballet class tonight was enough to tell me that I've got some work ahead of me. The advantage that I have over the other more knowledgeable students in class is my condition. My body learns fast; it adapts; and it's strong enough to take a beating. My legs are rock solid after class. I love it.

My project this week, besides taking my benchmarks, is setting up a meditation room. My spare bedroom is all junked up right now with shit that I need to take to goodwill. This week is the week. Then, I'll get some incense, download this free IPOD meditation timer and watch my mind race around the way this blog post is racing around. Meditation is HARD. The time flew by, but I suspect it's because my mind was flying in a million different directions at once.

Day 0 - Here we go again!

I like the test post and the idea of me breaking stuff. I think I'll leave it. I, also, absolutely love the pink flaming brushstroke flying from my ass. It's like I'm a flamingo peacock with a gigantic multi-hued pink fantail. Makes me happy.

I spent today accepting the fact that I'm about to throw myself back into another intense training schedule and 90 more days of discipline. Oddly, I feel excited about it. I've already undergone so much change having just finished PCP 3 weeks ago. I can't imagine where I'll be at the end of this differently focused project.

What did I do for my last day, you ask? Weeellll, I woke up and tried to kick my hangover in the ass by jumping rope for 15 minutes before coffee. I plan on making this a habit. Wake up, brew coffee, go do jumps, come back, pour coffee and sip during workout. I like having a little caffeine coursing through my veins as I workout. I'll save most of the coffee for post-workout but it's nice to have one there to sip on in between sets. The jumping worked....the hangover pushed through quickly.

The rest of the day was taken slowly. It was a good Sunday. I did a few hours of intense yard work. Mowing. Weeding. Doing the detail work with my machete. I'm too cheap for a weed whacker and I like how badass I feel when I'm swinging a machete and slicing through grass and weeds. I finished the majority of what I wanted done. The rest of the day felt so much more peaceful because I'd finally brought some order to my yard.

I took a cold shower after the yardwork and hung my hammock under a tree. Read some amazing essays and just enjoyed a spectacular, breezy, cool (for Florida) afternoon. A friend stopped by early evening to share one last smoke with me before I start this training. We laid a blanket out in my newly mowed(!) lawn and got good and stoned. I'm not sure I can describe in words the perfectness of the evening. Imagine flying high while your generous friend gives you a back massage and you eat a mini Dove vanilla ice cream bar covered in dark chocolate. I believe heaven is something like that experience. Ha! But, as all moments are destined to do, it came to an end. I headed to the grocery store and bought up the fixin's for my dinners this week. A cocunut curry to go over baked talapia, rice and whatever random steamed vegetable I choose for the evening. Tonight's helping pictured below.

I mostly wanted to enjoy a last day of special indulgences. I've made the decision to do this project completely sober. I sent the last of my MJ home with my friend. What I love about MJ is its ability to really bring me into focus, into the moment. My senses are enhanced; I feel the life in my body. I hope to find that feeling somewhere in these 90 days of sobriety; naturally, without the assistance of intoxicants.

So, without further ado, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!

Hi YAAA!

Jenny's gonna BREAK SOME STUFF!