Day 42 - Crash & Burn

Party was amazing. I consumed my weight in sugary, fatty goodness. Brownies, cake, halloween candy, you name it. I crashed and burned in a blazing wreck of taste sensation. I gorged. It's been 6 months since I allowed myself that kind of over-the-top consumption. No alcohol. Just sweets, sweets and more sweets. It was fabulous, and I will pay for it. I accept and welcome my fate.

Pictures to come....

Day 41 - CSA!

I'm squirming with excitement right now. Why? Because I got my first newsletter from my CSA (community supported agriculture) farm, Swallowtail, which means I get my first delivery on Monday!!! I paid $550 (actually $275, splitting my share with a friend) for 6 months worth of local, organic produce and other random good foods. The pick-up point is walkable distance from one of my jobs. Here's a excerpt from the newsletter to get you pumped up, too:

So, a great warm welcome from all of us that have been working at the farm, preparing for this coming week! Zach and I and the rest of our crew have been doing much preparation, and are excited that the time has finally arrived. We have been preparing ground, busily planting, harvesting sweet potatoes from the summer, growing corn and sunflowers and beans and peppers and eggplant and so much more.

We have installed a walk-in cooler in our barn, we've poured a floor, and are in the process of building on a greenhouse for the winter. We're also building a second shade-house for our baby plants. I am going this afternoon to pick up chickens, and a movable house that they will help to fertilize our fields with, and next month, we will be bringing cows to the farm. The swarm of bees that i caught over the summer time have settled in nicely and are building up their honey stores for winter. The cowpeas that we planted as cover crop over most of the fields in summer have ripened and will yield very soon to new beds and winter rye and oats and winter peas.

This coming monday will be our first day of Community Supported Agriculture at the UF campus. It brings me great joy and appreciation that this effort is underway, and that the farm to campus connection has been initiated. I am certain there will be a sweet something created by this happening over time, and that it will serve a small but pivotal role in the enrichment of our food culture here in Gainesville. I want to let each of you know how important your decision to support a small, sustainable, local farm is; in my understanding, this model of agriculture and farm to consumer relationship reaches to the very roots of so many of the challenges we face in our time. You are truly pioneers here in the South with the CSA movement, and I appreciate your faith, your commitment, and your support of Swallowtail Farm.

You're jealous, I know. It's ok, I would be to if I were you. (Frozen vegetables, Ren & Patrick? Yuck! ;-P) I feel like Christmas is coming or something. I'm THAT excited about my surprise shopping bag full of goodness. Since I'm splitting, I'll probably still have to supplement from our local grocery, which stocks local produce, too, but since I may be leaving Gainesville in early spring, I didn't want to commit without someone else to benefit from and receive the rest of my share. Plus, one share is, from my understanding, a brimming grocery bag of food. We'll see. Pictures to come on Monday. I'm waiting for the day when the marijuana production is legalized, and we also get a small monthly share of locally grown herb in our bag of freshness. You're probably thinking that's just ridiculous, Jenny. Yeah, maybe, but why? I mean, in all honesty, it's easy to grow outside as long as the seasons are respected, but you're right, it's been so demonized by bad press that the idea of it being so easily attainable is likely impossible in my lifetime. Still, getting it in such a way would solve a lot of the conundrums that are mixed up in my decision to smoke. I have decided to abstain while training because it does affect me in a way that is not optimal for this project, but I still have zero problem with partaking in a responsible, moderate manner. Much like I believe alcohol or sugary, fatty foods should be consumed...

My real reason for considering giving it up is much more complex than just, "Oh, it's bad for me. It's a drug. I shouldn't smoke it." That reasoning just doesn't fly with me. I know that I can control myself and my urges at this point. Since I stopped smoking, I've had zero urge to seek it out, no cravings for it and miss it only slightly in certain situations. I look at my bong everyday when I get home and it doesn't cause stress, anxiety or longing. I can control the urge. Easily. What really gets to me is the karma associated with the purchase of a bag of MJ. The drug trade in Mexico is out of control. The drug trade here is full of evil and suffering, too. When I buy $50 worth, I have no idea what journey that little bag has taken or who has been hurt in the process of getting it to me. The idea of supporting an industry that spreads so much pain gets to me, just like that video of the little male chicks being ground up alive.

The only way to solve this ethical dilemma is knowing my source. That could mean a pot CSA or actually growing it myself. I would grow it myself, but I no longer think the risk is worth the reward. I support it's legalization, and I support allowing private citizens to grow a small number of plants for personal consumption. I don't expect the big drug companies to be on board with this, and I suspect this is part of the reason for the slow process of legalization. I, also, expect that the drug lords will do their part in impeding the legalization process, too. The last thing they want is for control of such a valuable commodity to be in the hands of the people where it fucking belongs (excuse my french, I get passionate about this subject).

I just bought a $0.10 copy of Small Is Beautiful and am about to dig in. I've been wanting to read this book for a long time. I expect it will cement my belief in decentralization of so many processes. My only problem with decentralization is how to accomplish it....right now, I don't see any attractive way to do this through our political system. ~sigh~ Ok, I'll just leave off now. I'm getting into too much with this post. My mind is flowing uncontrolled at this point. :)

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS PARTY TONIGHT!!!! Wish y'all could be here. xo!

Day 39 - Cravings

I've been having cravings but not the typical junk food cravings. All I want nowadays is milk, yogurt, eggs, sweet potatoes and avocados...with a little honey in the mix for sweetness. I swear, I could live off these things. I could go buy some random protein for dinner tonight and probably should, but I really want the same thing I had for dinner last night. 2 eggs scrambled with thyme, grape tomatoes and a wee bit of sharp white cheddar, seasoned with nothing but white pepper. On the side, steamed broccoli and sweet potatoes, both plain, nothing added. I just don't want anything else, and the broccoli is just to throw in some variety and green.

Also, ballet wrecked my legs last night. My groin muscles have been aching ALL DAY LONG. I think I'm gonna soak in a hot bath this evening. Maybe that will help relax things?

Day 37B - Haiku, anyone?

Banana tree leaf

Washed in moonlight and dew;

soft, cool suppleness.

This morning, with the moon bright and direct overhead, I saw my banana tree as if for the first time. I touched one leaf, felt its softness, held it over my head and scrutinized its internal anatomy outlined through moonbeams, let the dew from the underside trickle down my arms, rubbed the silky smoothness against my face. I realized its enormity.

In a month or so, North Florida will experience its first frost of the season, and my banana tree will die. I'll hack the dead stalk down with my machete and drag it to the forest to decompose. It will never bear fruit, but next spring, without fail, it will re-sprout from its stump and begin the cycle all over again.

If I ever end up in a loony bin, it might be because someone caught me petting my banana tree. I looked crazy but I felt completely sane.

Day 37A - Ugh.

I just ate fast food for the first time since Indulgence #2 on PCP. My excuse, I just plain ran out of time today. I had to eat before teaching (in 2 minutes), and I bought a Chargrilled Chick-fil-a sandwich. I figured, at least it's not fried and comes with a whole wheat bun and lettuce and tomato. It was GROSS. I mean, so much salt it was burning my tongue. Is that even possible??? It's final. My tastes have changed. I'm oversensitive to salt. Too much is a bad thing.

Tune in later for some Haddle Haiku. Seriously, I wrote a Haiku this morning to share but not right now. :)

Day 36 - Relaxing to new levels

Good workout this morning, great ballet class tonight. Not perfect, just noticing improvements.

Now that I'm aware of the tension I unconsciously held in my body, I can actually focus on relaxing into new levels of kicks, power punches, stretches and ballet balance. The pull in my right leg isn't completely healed, but I was able to swing through it this morning with little pain. I love freestyle. Each set flew by and I found myself wanting to just punch and punch, kick and kick. I will make that teeny tiny evil ball my bitch. I also noticed that when I let my body relax, my balance was much more stable in ballet. The legs were tensed holding me up but when I let the rest of my body just relax into the posture, I immediately stopped wavering. Felt right.

I can't help but connect all of this to my emotional situation early in the weekend. I was really feeling the weaknesses in my body, the injuries, the limitations. At the same time, I was seriously reflecting on some life issues. The relief from the emotional turmoil came at the same time I discovered and truly understood the usefulness of letting go of tension during my workout.

So, what are we in right now, Week 6? I feel like it's taken me this long to discover a key that will open the door to real progress. Exit Jenny.

Enter the Ninja....

Day 35 - Practice makes perfect

My emotions are back in balance. I enjoyed the wedding reception last night. Danced my ass off in my blazing red come f%&k me heels. You know the kind. I don't get to wear them often, and it was fun to pair them with a $2 thrift store dress. It's the first wedding reception in a long time that I've done sober. I loved it, and left early enough to get some decent sleep. Win.

I also made it to the Asian festival today. It was actually some quality time with some of the same friends I've been feeling distanced from as of late. :) Among the things I enjoyed at the festival today, a performance by Chinese acrobats, Aikido demonstrations, beautiful bonsai trees, spicy Kung Pao peanut ice cream (sorry, I felt it was sinful to pass up trying this flavor, DELICIOUS!), and lots of window shopping the booths.

Tonight, I watched our local roller derby team. If I was going to stick around Gainesville for awhile, I might consider going out for the team. That shit looks fun, and I could dress all crazy and slutty and it would be acceptable! Instead, I just watch. The home team won. And, a couple girls on the other team cried.

Last thing I want to share tonight...I ate dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. Got a gigantic bowl of tofu rice noodle soup. 'Twas excellent. And, in my fortune cookie, "Practice makes perfect." Auspicious.

Day 34 - Emotions

Ugh, so the last post sort of unleashed a lot of emotions that I didn't expect. I cried last night before bed. I cried while attempting to focus on my breathing this morning. I've been an emotional roller coaster since I posted it. Maybe that's why I avoided putting it out there....

I changed my plans from going into work and the Asian festival to staying home today, working in the yard, cleaning my house, and avoiding contact with people until later this evening when I will dress up and go to a masquerade ball wedding reception after party blowout. Work and the Asian festival will still be there tomorrow.

Day 33 - Fear

I've been thinking about this post for awhile, and I'm still unsure if I can pull it off. I know in my heart what I want to say but I'm not sure if I will convey it precisely. Might as well give it a go, yeah?

The motivation behind my decision to do this KFB completely sober was, well, fear, or rather, the need to look my fear straight in the eye and see what comes of it. I've only realized this recently, I didn't really realize it when I made the decision. I just jumped into it. Ok, sober, GO! Though, I should go ahead and confess that I had 2 glasses of white wine last Saturday night. I bought some to cook with and decided that it was OK to mindfully enjoy the wine while eating my soup and blogging. The rest of the wine has sat untouched in my fridge and will probably stay there until my Halloween party, at which time I'm sure someone will happily guzzle it. It was good, I enjoyed it, and I don't feel too guilty about it. I did have a little twinge of guilt the next day, but I seem to have let go of it since I only just remembered that I'd drank that wine.

Let's get down to the meat of things. My fear. Really, this doesn't stem so much from alcohol consumption but more from MJ smokage. Alcohol is so common that giving it up really isn't THAT big of a deal. People might be a little weirded out for awhile, but in the end, I won't lose any strong connections by giving up alcohol. Weed on the other hand. Well, it's a sub-culture and it binds me pretty tightly to a few of my friends. In fact, it's a pretty central factor in my relationships with a couple of people who I hold dearest to my heart. My fear is that giving up MJ will be the beginning of the end, and oh god, is that scary, scares me to my core. I know, perhaps you're thinking, "Well, if these people really love you, it shouldn't matter. They should support you." And, you'd be right in thinking that...they do support me and they do love me, but it doesn't matter, our relationships are still drifting apart.

And, it really started when I started to focus inwards on myself, changing my eating habits, my workout habits, my focus in life. It's made me a more pleasant person to be around, but it's reduced the amount of things I have in common with everyone around me. And, at the same time, their lives are changing, too. We just pull further and further apart. The love is still there but the actual time spent together is diminished and will continue dwindling. I think I feel it most acutely because I live alone. I have a lot of time to reflect on it. To watch it happen. To feel it happen because there is no one here to distract me from the pain and the sadness of letting go and moving on.

Let's get a little more detailed with this and talk about the two relationships that are centralized in many respects on getting high together. One of them, I don't worry about too much. I know, in my heart and my entire being, that no matter what this person will love me into infinity and beyond. I don't even need to be near him or talk to him to know that the love is there and that he thinks about me often. We are naturally, inexplicably connected. Though I have stressed about our relationship in the past, I don't anymore. It's the most comfortable and wonderful friendship/love that I've ever experienced.

The other relationship is, well, different. We've been slowly but surely drifting apart, for many reasons. My major worry is that giving up MJ will be the straw that breaks the camels back. I've long been afraid that the only reason this person spends quality time with me is to get high. Without the MJ, why would he come hang with me? We were super close a year ago, and it all centered on partying and getting fucked to hell together. Now that I'm doing neither of those things, well, he's there but not the way he used to be. And, maybe that's partially because I've become more self-sufficient and I don't need his support as much.

Anyway, the point is, all of this change is super scary. I've embraced the change because I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to be healthy, awake and aware of my life. In the end, all of these relationships will disappear anyway. When we die, our connections as we know it will be severed, we'll be disbursed and recycled into some other form of energy. I don't expect to be aware of this life and what transpired during it, but then, who knows really? So, considering I don't know anything about the future, I want to try to let go of that fear of the future that paralyzes me right now, and perhaps enjoy my relationships more for what they are instead of worrying about what they aren't and what they won't be in the future. And, I really think that I'm better able to do this with a clear, sober, focused mind.

Day 32 - Just do it

To those crazy people thinking of doing next round of KFB (you know who you be), I say, go for it. You've got the food down. No challenge there. (Speaking of food, I've been rockin' the stir-frys lately. ) The workout is fun, but tough. Tough in a different way than PCP, though. I want to say its more mental but then PCP was pretty mental for me. Really, I think for me it's just highlighted my most despised physical weaknesses and brought them to the forefront. An example. I know that I'm supposed to relax when I'm stretching, but I get so goddamned frustrated with my body's limitations that I screw up any potential progress, which then spirals into me being annoyed with myself for being frustrated, causing more stress and more tension, a vicious counterproductive cycle. (Sometimes I think Patrick that you can read my mind). Then, I see an adorable little carolina wren bouncing from limb to limb in the gigantic azalea bush outside my window, twittering at me, watching curiously. And, I smile, regroup and relax. But, it's a process, and right now, I'm really feeling my weaknesses.

I know, I know, I just wrote that great inspirational post about my core strength, but what I really want is to be able to do be able to bend my body in the ways I ask it to bend. And, it just doesn't. Part of the problem is overcoming the mental block that stretching is different than strength training. If I can train my body to do pull-ups, then I must able to train my body to do a split. But, really, can I? At this point, I'm just not so sure.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this post. I'm a little scattered tonight. I only wanted to give you some encouragement and say go for it! Don't YOU want to have your most offensive limitations highlighted? That's right, offensive. I'm totally offended by my body's utter lack of flexibility.

On an upnote, my teeny target is hung right underneath a glass light shade and every time I make a good uppercut connection, it hits the lamp shade, DING! You know, like those sledgehammer strength challenges at the fair. DING!! Hehe. Brings me great joy.

Day 29 - Core

Over the last week or so, I've noticed an amazing amount of strength in my core. My core was strong at the end of PCP, but it's getting stronger at a fast pace. I've been hyper-conscious of how vital my core is to every exercise we do in this program. I've especially noticed it in the pull-ups, how my core tightens as I lift myself. My back muscles have certainly grown stronger, but I think a lot of my added success in pull-ups comes from core strength as well. I'm at about 4 on my first set now. 1 on the second. My kung-fu sit-ups are much improved. I remember my first attempt at one a few months ago, laughable. I was lucky to get my legs at a 90 degree angle, now I can do about 6 or 7 pulling up to 120 degrees with miniscule swing. So, this is where I've really seen strength gains.

Target punches went okay. Not beautiful but not completely embarrassing. Targeted kicks. HA! What a joke! I do like the bob and weave aspect of dodging a teeny flying ball, but timing my kicks and getting the accuracy to hit the ball as it swings around...wow, we'll see how this goes into the future.

I've been treading lightly with my right leg. I pulled something on the inside that I can feel mostly in the straight kicks now. The shoulder is almost better, not 100% but better. I do what I can, and try to remind myself that we're only a month into this thing. 2 more months left? A lot is going to happen.

Day 28 - Oh sweet, sweet hot chocolate

I'm burning my tongue as I sip my wonderful, steaming mug of hot chocolate. I find it very hard to wait till it cools to drink it...trying and being completely unsuccessful. :)

I wish everyone else as much enjoyment as I'm getting from this heavenly concoction.

Day 27 - Chicken soup

Ok, I'm not even gonna try to be bashful about this...my home-made chicken soup is da bomb! This is a first time recipe for me. I searched around online, got a base for a wild rice chicken soup and went to creating a masterpiece. The special part about this chicken soup is that it is ENTIRELY from scratch. I bought the whole chicken, roasted it, made chicken tacos out of the meat, boiled the carcass for stock, picked the rest of the meat off the bone, used stock for soup. Nothing wasted. I gave the bones to the raccoons. So, in this post, I'm gonna share some recipes.

First, roasted chicken. Honestly, roasting a chicken is about as easy as it gets. I make a rub, which I slather under the skin and let sit in the refrigerator overnight. Here's the mixture for the rub:

2 ts salt

1 ts sugar

1/8 ts ground cloves

1/8 ts allspice

1/8 ts nutmeg

1/8 ts cinnamon

5 cloves garlic, crushed

I also squeeze a lemon over the chicken and put the squeezed lemon inside the chicken with some apple slices. I don't know what this does, I just do it. Seems to work out for me. Roast 15 mins at 450/500, baste with drippings, reduce heat to 425 and roast for 30ish more minutes. Internal temp should be 180 F, let cool 20 mins before cutting into it.

I just pull as much meat as easily comes off and then save the carcass to boil. I like to use the meat to make tacos. I make my own taco seasoning. 'Tis as follows:

1 Tb chili powder

1/4 ts red pepper flakes

1/4 ts oregano

1/2 ts paprika

1/2 ts cumin

1 ts black pepper

3-5 cloves garlic

1 small onion

I'll sauté the onion and garlic in a bit of olive oil, throw in the spices and mix around, add chicken and maybe a 1/2 cup or so of water and let simmer for 5-10 minutes. Bam! Chicken tacos. I've basically been eating 3 tacos for lunch all week. It's a lot of food.

Ok, now, chicken stock. Throw the carcass in a big pot, cover with water, simmer on low all day. Strain the stock, let cool. Laddle as much of the fat off the top as you have patience for...pick the rest of the chicken off the bones and throw in the stock. That's it. It's super easy. Think of all the goodness in that stock. AND, it's not over salted like the chicken broth in the store. I looked at that broth today, it's disgustingly salty.

Now for the crowning glory. The wild rice chicken soup that I'm eating as I type this post. First step, cook the wild rice. Look up how to do it online, that's what I did. I've never actually cooked wild rice before, this was my first go-round. Good stuff. I used a cup of dry to 3 cups of water. I think next time I'll use a little less water, maybe 2ish cups. Also, I bought a few extra chicken breasts to add to the soup. Cube those and cook them up at any point. For the actual soup, throw all the following ingredients in a big pot, bring to a boil, simmer for 30 minutes. I didn't measure anything, just went on what I thought might be appropriate. All veggies were chopped coarse, all herbs chopped fine.

Chicken stock (I used all of the stock I made)

celery

carrots

green onion (chopped fine)

okra

shitake mushrooms

parsley (Patrick, here's a good use of parsley)

thyme

3 cloves garlic

a few dashes of white pepper

salt to taste (not a lot for me)

lots of black pepper

1-2 Tb nutritional yeast

After the 30 minutes is up, melt 2 Tb butter, stir in 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, add to soup and stir. This adds a bit of thickness as does the okra, and considering the yield of the soup, I don't think the amount of butter is really gonna mess with our diets. Add extra chicken, wild rice and 1/2 cup of dry white wine. Heat through and serve. Keep in mind that the wild rice will take almost an hour to cook.

Here's a pic of my dinner tonight. It's a hearty soup for the cool evenings. A little goes a long way. The saltines are a little comfort food. Takes me back to my childhood.

The picture just doesn't do it justice. It was a wonderful soup, not too salty but full of flavor and freshness. So, my KFB lovies, that is how you buy chicken at its most inexpensive and use it to its full potential. I encourage you all to give it a try....

So, for mindful consumption tomorrow morning, COLOMBIAN HOT CHOCOLATE, that's right I hollered it at ya. Hot milk, melt in the chocolate that I received as a gift, drink mindfully. :) I've been saving this gift for the right occasion.

Day 24 - Incense

Usually, I use the incense in the same way that I use bird songs, to come back to the moment. Like sound, though not quite to the same extent, smell seems to be an effective focus point. I assume that's why incense is used so often during meditation. Today, I used my incense in a different way.

Just before starting my meditation, my phone rang. Normally, I would completely ignore the phone during a workout or a meditation session, but I knew this would be my Belizean soulmate calling to check-in. We only talk about once a month, and I think it'd be nearly 6 weeks since our last phone conversation. I decided the phone was more important than meditation at that moment. I ran for my phone, sat back on my cushion and chatted while staring out the window at the morning. Per usual, my incense was in the window so as to waft through the room at the slightest hint of a breeze.

After hanging up, I had every intention to do my normal meditation. Sit facing the wall and focus, but instead, I noticed the two streams of smoke billowing off each side of the incense stick. For some reason, I'd never payed close attention to this smoke, other than just to wave a breeze at it and watch as it parted and swirled chaotically. This morning, I was sitting still and right in front of it. Instead of chaos billowing off the stick, I noticed a fascinating pattern. The smoke fell off the stick forming a vortex on each side. They looked something like this:

I would choose one line and follow it until it disappeared. As the vortex opened up the lines of smoke danced gracefully to the ground like ghostly ballerinas. Seriously. Beautiful. One teeny weeny breath and everything fell into chaos, but then immediately back into order. I don't know how long I sat there, still, watching, then puffing a teeny breath just to watch everything disintegrate and re-pattern into a unique but always similar vortex.

I don't know how long I sat there in complete and total focus on this smoke, but long enough to count for a 3-5 minute meditation. So, I counted it. I was more in the moment then than perhaps any of the formal sitting meditations. Though, I realize that sitting meditation is difficult because you are actually observing the mind and that's part of its benefit. But, this was good, too. In that moment, it was me and the smoke and it was perfect.

P.S. No, I WAS NOT stoned! Remember, 90 days of sobriety, baby, 90 days!

Day 23 - Sleep

Oddly, I feel as if I've been needing less sleep lately. I'd say I've been averaging 6ish hours per night. I'm almost (but not quite) wide awake at 5:30 AM and only get tired around 11 PM at night. I'm not overly tired during the day, though around 3 PM I usually get that I could take a nap feeling. In an ideal world, I would power nap every afternoon. Even without the power nap, I feel fairly well rested. After reading tonight's email, I'm now more convinced that it's partially the kung fu. I felt like I needed a lot more sleep during PCP. Am I crazy? Or, just getting used to less sleep? Perhaps it also has something to do with being completely sober?

Also, I've been thinking this and thought I ought to just say it. I love the workouts. LOVE them. PCP was the type of workout I forced myself through, this is truly, honestly fun for me. I wouldn't trade my PCP experience but these workouts combine all of my favorite things into one. Cardio, strength, martial arts and stretching, perfect. I've taken many kickboxing and yoga classes, but what I like about these workouts is their small manageable pieces. I get a little of everything I love every single day. Good stuff, y'all!

One last thing. I've got something going on in my right shoulder. It's been bothering me since last week. If I hold my right arm straight out with any weight in my hand, it feels like a pulling pain in my shoulder. It's not the whole shoulder either, it's just this one certain area when I hold my arm out in one certain way. Any ideas? I'm able to do the exercises, but the blocks this morning were a bit tricky.

Day 21 - Six-pack

This is for you, Ren!

Second fitness date today. 4-mile run on my favorite trail.

Finish run, I take off my shirt to cool down. No, I didn't do this for his benefit. It's my routine. I get sweaty and like to feel the breeze on my skin.

Dude says while staring at my tummy: "Have you always had a 6-pack?"

Jenny smiles: "What?! This old thing. You wanna touch it?" No, no, no, I didn't really say that, but I did say, "Naw, it's only a few months old, wanna touch it?"

Dude, "Really?" And, immediately feels up my rock hard abs.

Nice, but whatever, FTSP! I am so much more than my abs. :) And, I must say, this guy is a little indecisive and slow-moving for my taste. I mean, I don't mind the respect of taking it slow, but I like a little confident, take-charge action, and he's more like an unsure boy. Oh well, whatevs! I had a nice run this evening and just enjoyed a beautiful sunset from the comfort of my spacious backyard.

All's well with the workout. I was a bit over-indulgent yesterday with food but back on target today. I ate some killer smoked ribs last night. They were cooked on a smoker that I pitched in on for some friends that recently got married. YUM! My stretch was nice this morning, but I really have to take it super slow getting out of it. Meditation good. I did two longer (15 minute) sessions this weekend. Yesterday was great. Today, my mind was all over the place. I find that (besides my breath) I come back to the birds. So many birds outside in the mornings. They really bring me back to the moment. Also, the cars rushing by on the highway outside my house. So, sounds, sounds seem to pull me back from my incessant musing.

I'm mulling over a longer, more serious post for the near future. I've been thinking a lot about fear lately and how it shapes my life and my actions. Soon, I will throw some of those thoughts onto the interwebs for your feedback.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!! xoxoxo!

Day 19 - Improvements

A quick update this evening. I've made vast agility improvements. My uppercut's a bit messy still, but my straight punches are much quicker, more precise and I'm keeping my guard hand up at all times. My flying kicks were more coordinated this morning, and my side kick, well, I dare say it actually looked and felt halfway decent. I'm pleased with my progress.

Loving all balance exercises! From now on, I will be doing the entire workout barefoot. I've always done the stretching without shoes, but for some reason, stuck with shoes for the rest. I don't know why since I workout on SHAG carpet. The shoes probably counteract the shag cushioning. :)

BTW, I meant to say that the video regarding crow was mucho helpful. Nobody ever really explained it to me in any terms that made sense. I like the way you broke it down to be simply, find your center of mass. Duh! I've always been made to feel like I needed special strength to do crow. Not that I've ever been all that in touch with my center of mass. This project is helping me find it.

Day 17 - Botanica

Amazing, fabulous, breathtakingly stunning. If ever you see that this is in your town, go see it. Just go. Even brought on the misty eyes.

After these past few months of training my body, I watched the performance through a new set of eyes, a perspective that understands the difficulty of every little movement executed to near perfection by the dancers. Such strength, such flexibility, such CONTROL.

If you didn't follow the link I posted in my last post, I'll just embed the video here and force it on you.

Day 16 - Zapped

Ever tried to teach Mendelian genetics and modes of inheritance to a roomful of 18-21 year olds? No? I don't recommend it. Every time I teach this lab, it's the same. Students just have a hard time grasping how genetic traits sort out in different ways. I always work double time in this lab, even triple time. Students are just sucking at my brain, every one of them. I've explained independent assortment, autosomal linkage and sex linkage to almost 40 individual students today. I feel like I've been run over with a train. Seriously. I'm always amazed at my complete and total physical exhaustion after a mentally taxing day. Other than teaching, it was a chill day for me, but I'm more zapped right now than I ever am on a normal "busy" day.

Anyway, looking forward to applying energy transfer to tomorrow morning's workout. Also looking forward to seeing Momix - Botanica tomorrow night. I've got a 5th row center orchestra seat. Exciting!

Day 15 - Meet Girlco

My leopard gecko. She likes my workouts because besides crickets falling randomly in her cage, it's the only action she ever sees. When I started PCP, she got daily doses of me doing multiple strength exercises. My workouts are much more exciting for her now. She's really fascinated by my kicking and punching. In this picture, she's cowering from my ferocious flying kicks. She ran insider her cave and just peaked out at me. She was like, "WTF are you doing out there? Way to close for comfort. Hiding in cave now." When I'm stretching, she stares at my toes as if they are something yummy to eat. Ha! PCP & KFB, bringing together geckos and humans for a more peaceful, understanding world.

Here's a pic of her whole world...just for some added context.

Day 14 - Diet win!

I am celebrating the return of the AMAYW veggie for dinner. Woot! And, the after workout egg white. I'm going to confess, I've never given up the after work-out egg white. I kept it after PCP and I kept it last week when the diet didn't call for it. I just really, really love my morning milk with the egg white whipped in...

I should also just go ahead and confess that I've been a bit slack with the diet. Not the grams portion. I've been weighing food, but I've added some extras in there. Like, smidgens of cheese here and there or blueberry jam on toast in the morning (I picked the berries and preserved it myself!), and since I've been rather close-mouthed about KFB with most friends, I've allowed a few small indulgences when with them. Like, birthday pie last night. It was a fruit pie though! I counted it as my evening fruit. :-D That's a sheepish grin. Also, it wasn't processed pie, even the crust was home-made by my friend. How can I NOT eat it?

Anyway, all's well. It's been a good weekend. My date was nice this afternoon. He's shy about telling me about himself. It ended up being the Jenny show. He seemed into it, so it was an outlet for me to just talk about my interests for awhile. I think my delts impressed him. ;-) He wants to go running next weekend. I intimidated him with my 6 mile suggestion. I assured him I'd go easy on him. Oh! And, he wants to help me get to my headstand. I like having someone interested in spotting me for this shit.

Okay, y'all, this is the Paddle signing off.

Day 13 - The thrift store

I took all those bags of clothing to the Hospice Attic donation center today. Then, immediately, went shopping in the Hospice Attic store. I found a pair of casual dress pants that are only a smidgen too big but still look nice on me. And, I discovered the thrills of shopping in the juniors section where EVERYTHING IS $2!! 2 dresses, $2 each. 2 cute sweaters, $2 each. 3 tight tanks, $2 each (these show off my fab abs). So much fun! Finally, some clothes that fit me nicely. I was getting disheartened by all my old clothes that hang loosely off my leaner frame. I love thrift stores.

Day 12 - Sadness

So, a weird thing happened to me this afternoon. I got sad, for no reason, just sad. I wanted to cry, but I had no reason to cry. Still the tears were there. I wanted to cancel my plans for tonight and hide out in my house until the feeling subsided, but I thought that was lame. So, I came home, took a 15 minute power nap and felt better. I then packed my car full of clothes and other random knick-knacks to take to goodwill. Literally, 5 trash bags worth of clothes. WTF?!?! Too many clothes. My house feels less cluttered already. Then, I got a phone call. It was my potential date calling to make it official. Sunday afternoon, we're riding bikes. I don't know where we're riding bikes to yet, but we are ridin'! :) Should be fun.

I don't feel sad anymore, and I kept my plans to go to a friend's new house and watch Titanic 2. Perhaps this the anticipation of this horrific movie created the unexplained sadness?